Disappointed?

I am, in a lot of things. I'm disappointed in a handful of people, music, and myself. Other people are letting me down, hurting my feelings, and being so fucking fake. I think it's really ridiculous when an ex won't be your friend just because you won't be with them. This goes out to a lot of guys from my past. Sure, it can be awkward and sometimes doesn't work out but when you both KNOW it'll work out then why not? I just don't understand it. I guess that's what people mean by when they tell me I'm more mature than most thirty year olds. Although I really don't want to be compared to someone who's that much older than I am. I wish I could handle a lot of things going on at once but I get so stressed out. School, money, work, reading, prom. I want to say fuck it all and sleep for the rest of my goddamned life but I sadly can't. I was supposed to have read a 320 page book. No, that's not bad at all. But given the span of only two weeks to have it read and working and not being able to sleep or to keep myself up, it's so hard. I hate growing up, I wish money was just handed to me whenever I asked. I'm mentally sick and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm not even ready for tomorrow and whatever it brings. You're probably wondering how I'm disappointed in music. It's because I can't find anything good anymore. Well lately for me if I like it it's usually instrumental with few vocals. And if there are vocals, it's weird. But it relaxes me so I guess it works. I'm disappointed in myself because well...I can't say :/ Erick came back today though and I was soooo excited to see him but it also wasn't feeling like I had hoped it to feel, like last Saturday. And this is stuff I can't talk to him about ): I guess I'm getting off now.