I sometimes wish I did drugs.

Maybe I'd be happier, maybe I wouldn't care about people when they make me upset, and maybe I wouldn't depend on some of the worst people there is to depend on.

I'm absolutely worn out. My spine hurts in every possible way it could, my thumb is about to fall off, and I just want to cry. I'm so stressed out and you can tell from my skin breaking out, blah. My shoulder blades are all tingly. I'm seriously about to break apart. My doctor's going to go ape shit when he sees what bad shape I'm in. Tomorrow I'm picking up working out again before prom. But I'm going to try to keep up with it this time since I have a job to pay for my monthly bill and I'll have my truck back soon. I have a test on Scarlet Letter tomorrow and I haven't even read it yet, wow. I just want to sleep. My mom bought me a Chanel purse while she was in New York, yes it's a knock off. But it's better than nothing. I feel like such a loser because I can't buy the things I want, I have to buy the cheaper version while every girl in school flaunts what her daddy buys. Only of course it's real. Most people probably don't expect something like that to come from me because very rarely do I even care what others thinks but I'm sick of feeling...poor.

I wish I could float. I can float pretty well actually but I mean I wish I could lay on top of water and only an inch be underneath. I want to float down a river. I want to get lost in the woods. And I want to fly so far away from everyone. I want to feel at peace with my life and myself. I really don't know why I bother with relationships or anything of the like. It gets me into trouble or it gets me hurt. You know what? I miss the feeling of being with a girl. I don't care if you think that's nasty. I want someone to hold at night and fall asleep with and smile with. I just want to fall asleep, and really never wake up. Never ever.